Fat Tuesday

Oh the quest to lose weight. I have been complaining about my weight and have even once blogged that things were going to change.Here is that blog that I never followed through with  Of course nothing changed. I kept eating just as bad and never did anything active (besides chasing around 3 boys) Every single weekend I would say I would start my diet on Monday. Every Monday came around and I kept eating like crap.

Last week I was over at my moms house and I got on her scale. OHHHH MYYY GAWWWWWWD! I couldn't believe I was actually HEAVIER than when i delivered my son 10 months ago. No wonder I am still wearing maternity jeans and still cant button my work pants. I joined the gym the next day!

So, about my title, "Fat Tuesday" well, I had my own little version of it last night. It started off after church. We ordered pizza. I ate 2 pieces. I then went to take a nap before work. I woke up from my nap and before work I went to Walgreen's and got a Starbucks coffee (the big one) a box of peanut butter m&m's and raisennetts and a pack of cigarettes (don't judge)

After work I had the cooks make me a burger. I told them what I was doing and I said make it however you want. Well, I had about a 3 pound burger no joke. It was HUGE. I did cut a little piece off for Courtney but besides that I ate the whole dang thing and washed it away with 2 big ole beers. I was sick to my stomach. My goal was to smoke all 20 cigarettes in one night so I would never crave another one again. (those of you who really know me you know I have struggled with this addiction for years upon years) Well, I only made it to about 8 cigarettes before getting sick of them!

It was a great night of binge eating. It was a great way to say goodbye to all the bad I put in my body. One last moment with high calorie beer. One last time to put my lips on something so toxic. And one last time to wipe away mayonnaise from my face.

For breakfast I had a bowl of special K. For lunch it will be PLAIN tuna and celery. Dinner is going to be chicken breast. This is pretty much going to be my new  diet every day. ANNNND on the weekends when I am surrounded by super high calorie Applebees food. I will either bring my own or eat a salad with of course no dressing.

I can do it this time. I am strong enough. I will lose 30 pounds in 3 months. Mark my words.  Next week I'm doing a picture blog. All my measurements, everything. I am bearing it all for the sake of embarrassment. I figure if I embarrass myself enough, I WILL succeed at this weight loss!!

Until next time!

Celft Journey Part 1

First of all let me start off by saying I am NOT a doctor and Im not uber smart. I will try to explain any information to the best of my ability.

Ok, now that that is out of the way it dawned on me that I never wrote a blog about when he was diagnosed, how it made me feel, what the future would hold, etc.... So, I guess I will give a little re-cap.

Let me say first of all that this was our HUGE surprise blessing baby. And by surprise, I mean OOPS. (if you are reading this precious Reid, you are so loved!!!) You see, our baby was only 5 months old when we got pregnant with this blessing. A 3rd baby was the furthest thing from our mind!

I went in for my 20 week ultrasound like I had done in my 2 other pregnancy's. Its kinda funny because I was about to cancel that one. You see, when I was 18 weeks pregnant I begged my Dr. to let me get an ultrasound cause I couldn't stand one more minute not knowing for sure if it were a boy or girl (I had done the urine test at 10 weeks, so I was pretty sure I was having a boy) Yup! It was another boy.  I called in and asked if they still wanted me to come to the 20 week. I wanted to cancel it because the wait at the Dr. office was always so long. I mean, I'm a healthy person....I should have a healthy baby and my other 2 were just fine.

J.R. didn't come with me to this one. I decided to take my Grandma so she could see the advances in ultrasounds. Thank God she was there. Now, I have probably been through 30 ultrasounds in my life between my 5 pregnancies so after about 10 min of looking at his head my heart started to sink. 10 more min. went by and I knew something was up. She kept saying things like, "I just want to see his cute face" We had probably been in the ultrasound room over 30 min by now. I started getting tears in my eyes and I remember looking over to my grandma and saying, "somethings not right"  She told me that she had to get a measurement before we could leave and she couldn't so we needed to go back into the waiting room and wait to be called in again.

We were called in and I told my Grandma to wait in the waiting room (we had Jax with us) This is where my world came crashing down. The doctor told me that our baby had a bilateral cleft lip and palate. She told me the damage looked pretty severe and there was a good chance he would be born deaf and need a feeding tube! (how in the world she could tell this by the ultrasound I have no idea) I was crying. I felt it was my fault. I didn't know anything about clefts so that's when I made the horrible mistake of getting online and looking at pictures.

The following weeks were spent in the perinatal office and getting level 2 ultrasounds. At one point the perinatologist told me that we  should do an amino that way we could consider terminating the pregnancy! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I was 23 weeks pregnant I believe and that was NOT an option. Nor would had it been if I would have found out at 6 weeks!!!

So, thats half the story... I will write a second part that will include weeks leading up to birth and birth. For now, we have some exciting news!! I took Reid to his craniofacial doctor yesterday to let him know we were going to be losing our insurance. I wanted him to look at Reid, check him out and let me know when his next surgery would be and make sure it was ok if he wouldn't been seen for a few months or even a year  until we can get insurance. Also, I was starting to wonder if everything was ok with his pallet because food always comes out his nose (originally the told me he had a cleft palate then when he was born it looked intact) The Dr did see a pin size hole but he said he wouldn't be considered a cleft palate. They will fix the hole when they do his bone graft surgery when he is 5!!!! (the summer before kindergarten) Thats it!! Thats his next surgery!! You have to know how exciting this is because many cleft babies go through so many surgeries before they turn 5 and this is what we were expecting.

Now, one of the speech doctors did come in and say that the reason food might be coming out of his nose is because his uvula might not be long enough to create that seal against the back of the throat. She said we will be able to tell in a few months  if when he starts talking he talks through his nose (sounding kinda like a deaf person) If thats the case she will work with him and get it fixed. She also told me that even though I wont have insurance, call her for any questions and she will do the best she can helping me over the phone!

There will be major orthodontics work with him later in life, but not now. He has a gap in his top gum line and that is causing his teeth to come in kinda funny but it can all be corrected one day down the road.

Ok, last Dr. His ENT (ear nose and throat) he does have an appointment in May to see if he needs tubes in his ears (if we have insurance by then) and then we can go from there.

Other than that.....he is a perfectly happy and normal little 9 month old boy. I always forget he has a cleft. It seems like a lifetime ago that I was so scared and so worried. He is perfect in every way.

Moments...

First of all I have to start off by saying that I'm stealing this blog idea from my good friend, Christine Her wonderful blog here <---------oh totally just learned how to do that! Had no idea how easy!!

I have ENJOYED my kids this week. Each meltdown, every fight, every hug, every I love you. I have just plain enjoyed them and have had a ton more patience with them. Our week has been somewhat uneventful but I decided a blog like this every few weeks would be great to capture just the day to day moments. I saw a blog the other day where they posted pictures of the book they made from the blog and it was AHHHHmazing!!! What an awesome scrapbook for your family one day. It got me to thinking that I need to blog more. Not for other people, not just to vent (which I normally use it for) but just for me. So I can look back and remember these precious moments.

Some of the special moments this week, which are in the pictures below, included going to a birthday party at an amazing indoor bounce house heaven. Then there was dinner last night. I decided to actucally cook instead of unwrapping something pre-bought. You would think the kids were licking cake batter, NOPE. It was garlic mash potatoes. They LOVED it. 

Now Aiden has this thing where he wants to hide before his daddy gets home, last night all 3 boys hid together. Just a few short minutes later Reid started crawling FOR REAL. No more army crawl for him, he was up on his hands and knees. Better yet, he was cawling to his daddy when he walked through the door!

Uggh, laundry. Less than a weeks worth for the boys. Enough said.

Bed time snuggled with dadddy. Oops, he fell asleep.

Jax is now in Aidens room sleeping in a big boy bed! 3 nights now. Problem is, he is waking up every night in the middle of the night and walking around the house. Can we say scary!!!

Morning time both the older boys got in the crib by themselves to be with Re-Re.

Playdate with a new friend. For sure the highlight of my week. She has 4 boys and a month old little girl. Such a cute family and FINALLY a friend who truly understands the craziness and demands of being a mom to multiple kids! Thank you Jesus for sending me her. Literally, I was her waitress at Applebees!!

It is only half way through the week and I know there are many more great moments to come. I am completely blessed and so in love with my family. Baby you da best you da you da best.

VENTING!

Let me first start off by saying there are no pictures in this blog. This is a strictly venting blog and although there are PLENTY of things I could be taking pictures to better describe why I'm venting. I have no time and no energy. Besides, I need to vent ASAP not take pics first, upload them, and so on and so forth.

Most  people cant wait till the weekend because it means they are off work and they get to spend wonderful sunny days with their family working on projects or swinging in the park. Skipping rocks, sleeping in, or going out.

NOT ME! Tomorrow cant get here fast enough! I cant wait for the weekend because it means I get to go wait on people for 8 to 10 hours for usually less than 15% tips (damn economy) and you know what I couldn't be happier right now.

I feel like I have failed in every single area this week. A housewife, a friend, a mom, every single area.

I'm just over this week. It has been so emotional and trying. I love my kids to the end of the earth, but mama needs her break! My breaking point came today when I had a full out anxiety attack. It came upon for no reason. I felt like I couldn't breath and that I was going to pass out. My chest was in so much pain. I decided I needed to put my anxiety to rest so I would start a project. Operation re-arrange our furniture to make the room seem new. I emptied our TV cabinet and without taking our 42 inch TV off decided to pull on it. Must have pulled it to hard cause the damn thing completely collapsed and the T.V. was saved by my ribs. Just a cherry added to the top of my day.

 I'm ready to go to work tomorrow. I thank God for the weekends. When everyone else is out to dinner, having fun...I am the one waiting on them. Just like I do at home. Wait on people. Take care of their every needs. Respond to outrageous requests and make sure people are happy. At least I get paid for my weekend job. LOL thanks for taking time to read my rant and rave!!!