It is no secret that my 7 years of marriage has been anything but HARD. In fact, I don't even know if HARD would be the right word. It has been all backwards and full of trials. The past year or so I have given up. I mean completely given up. I have accepted that this was my life and that I just have deal with it. Over the past month I have been focused on one thing. Divorce.
I know all my faults in this marriage. I know that I haven't given it any effort. I know that I haven't put God first. I know that I haven't preferred my husband. I know that I have been selfish and its all been about what I want and what is making ME happy and how my husband isn't filling MY love tank.
The fact is that I am completely miserable and unhappy. In fact, I would go as far to say as my marriage is sending me into a quick depression. It is hard for me to be intimate with my husband. I am full of anger and bitterness. At this point I would say that our marriage is completely not worth saving.
So, I went to church with just me and the boys yesterday (J.R. was doing yard work) And I "re" realized many things. Marriage isn't about ME. Our boys deserve for their parents to fight for another. I want putting God anywhere in my life. And basically our boys DESERVED better.
This was on my heart all night last night. Do I divorce or do I not divorce? My sister in law sent me a link of Love Dare. My mom had bought me this book a few years ago when the movie Fireproof came out. I read the first few love dares but really wanted it for J.R. to do it. Of course he didn't and I felt failed.
Ok, let me get to the chaise. I am DESPERATE. I am desperate to figure out if our marriage is going to work or if it just needs to be over. I am DESPERATE to fall in love with my husband again. And I am DESPERATE to have a happy and healthy marriage. Do I think it can happen? honestly...NO. I don't think a book is going to change anything but it is worth the try.
So, everyday at nap time or bed time ish, I'm going to blog on the day before love dare. And in 40 days I am going to decide which road we are going to take. Here is the introduction of the book,
"receive this as a warning.
This forty day journey cannot be taken lightly.
It is a challenging and often
difficult process, but an incredibly
fulfilling one. TO take this dare
requires a resolute mind and a
steadfast determination.
It is not meant to be sampled or briefly
tested, and those who quit early will
forfeit the greatest benefits. If you
will commit to a day at a time for forty
days, the results could change your
life and your marriage.
Consider it a dare, from others
who have done it before you"
Amy you have no idea how happy this makes me... I am so excited for what could become of this!! Just know you have been in my prayers!!! I love you sooo much... call me anytme for anything. Luv ya!
ReplyDeleteI think you should do it Amy! Its worth a try and if J.R. doesn't answer the way you feel he should i think that you should go on with the DIVORCE. Its a very hard decision to make and it definitely needs some time and thought! I think its a wonderful idea! I love you Amy and i want you to be happy! I think that if you continue with this everything will work out! I LOVED the movie fireproof and i think everyone should try this in their marriage if they feel it is no longer worth it! I love you AMY JO!!
ReplyDeleteLove Boof <3
You have so much love and support from your loved ones and honestly I think that you're one of few people that I can say have so much love and support to GIVE. I know we aren't as close as we could be but I can truthfully say that I feel totally comfortable in telling you anything. So, I'm very happy you're giving this a try, and just know that whatever happens, I love you!
ReplyDeleteand love to the boys!
thank you so much ladies. Thanks for inspiring me to do this! And just think of how close we could be if you LIVED here! LOL
ReplyDeleteHey Chica, I will be praying for you on this walk. I know the journey is not easy as I have walked a similar path, but give it your all and see where it leads. Love you and praying, Dani
ReplyDeleteJust remember JESUS is the only thing that can truly make *lasting* changes in your marriage...<3
ReplyDeleteps.. not that i think u shouldn't try book ;-) LOVE you and praying for you to have strength to continue on through the "dare's" even when u want to quit!
I am so proud of you for taking this step. What an awesome decision to make, and one that sadly, not enough people are willing to try. I will be fervently praying for you and for JR and your marriage. Hugs to you lady! xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh....I have tears right now. I think most of us are there or have been there in the past. You're an inspiration to me.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for putting this out there. Its a hard thing to share. I think most marriages go through very hard times. Jason and I did right after Charleigh was born. I didn't think we would make it. Obviously we did, but it took a LOT of work.
ReplyDeleteI will be praying for you guys.
I have been praying for you guys for a long time even though I don't know the circumstances.
ReplyDeleteI applaud that you are going to go through the Love Dare. Your marriage is totally worth it. I encourage you to also get the book "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace. That book totally changed my life and led me down the God ordained path to biblical wifehood and motherhood. Of course, no book is going to fix the problems. The Holy Bible contains all the answers so I encourage you spend time in the Word. When you spend time with the Lord, you will become more like Him. Let J.R. see Jesus in you. I encourage you to get up every morning and find one thing about your husband that you love and dwell on it through the day. It may be hard, but ask the Lord to guide you.
Satan is seeking whom he may devour...and he is destroying marriages and families as fast as he can. I am passionate about marriage and family...which is why I just had to respond. I hope that I can encourage you.
Jesus said that we would have trouble and trials and suffering. But with Him, we can make it through a little easier.
I will be praying even harder.
Amy - You are so loved and so covered in prayer. I know that you have struggled but it is when we are at the bottom of our rope that we have no where but UP to look. I am praying that not only will you grow closer to JR but more importantly in the process, you will grow so close and so intimate with your Savior. I love you girl and am SOOO proud of you for taking this leap of faith. God is in the business of healing and restoration and I know that He will work wonders in you!!! Love you!!! Ronnie
ReplyDelete