Put me in a StRaIgHtJaCkEt!

Put me in a straitjacket because I am starting to think I'm losing my mind.

My life is busy. It is hectic. I don't have the patience of a saint or the thriftiness to be called frugal. We don't make six figures and we don't have college educations. We have had our hiccups that's for sure. Every single bit of common sense says I am dumb and irresponsible to think about whats on my mind. My head knows this. The problem is my head and my heart have never been on the same page. Or even in the same book for that matter. The often conflict with another and play this tug o war. Even if one side wins the other side is left feeling sad and defeated.

So why am I losing my mind?

Because of this-

Pregnancy, Labor, Newborns, the crying...it all makes me lose my mind and get all giddy. I dont have a  peace about being "done" I have no desire to take the birth control my Dr gave me (nor do I want to get pregnant right now) but one day I do. One day I want to add another baby to our family.

I desire a 4th baby more than anything in the world. More than the "body improvements" I want to get done. More than having my dream wedding and vow renewal. More than going on an exotic vacation. I want to add a brother or sister more than me getting my hair done every 6 weeks or treating myself to starbucks.

If I were told right now our 4th would be another boy............I want that boy!

It doesn't help being on Facebook right now where EVERYONE seems to be pregnant, has a newborn, or is about to pop. I am so overjoyed for all my friends and family. (speaking of shout out to my Sis-In-Law, Christal who just announced they are expecing #2!!!) I love seeing all the belly pictures and hearing about who's being admitted in the hospital. I love the suspense of finding out who is having what! I wish I could rub each of your belly's and hold all of your newborns!

I should clear up I don't want a newborn cause its a newborn. I want another CHILD. I love watching them grow. Some women will keep having babies because the like having BABIES. Yeah, honestly I can pass on the baby phase. I just love the fact that there is one more person that God is allowing you to raise for an amount of time. I do however love being in labor. Weird. I know. That I think is the only part I get jealous of other people. When I hear they are in labor I think to myself, "ahhh man...I WANNA BE IN LABOR!"  Anyhow, totally rambling. Just thought I would throw that out there.

I don't think a 4th is gonna happen for us. I pray so hard my heart changes. Until then, all y'all keep on keep on and popping out those adorable babies!