Who You'd Be Today

Dear Kaitlin,
 The last time I saw you we had some good times. We had some laughs and shared some tears. We also ended our time with a fight. We are both so damn stubborn. Set in our ways and wont back down. I regret that the last time I saw you was when you walked passed me at moms house around 5am with a blanket over your head. My heart told me to reach out and hug you and say goodbye. My stubbornness kept me from doing that. I remember thinking, I will see you next time we fly out and everything will be fine. I will talk to you on the phone and everything will be fine. If only I would have known that 3 weeks later, you would be gone.
That's the not so funny thing about life. There is no way of seeing what the future holds. If you could then I know you would still be here.
Some days, days like today, I daydream about who you'd be today. Of course the country song always pops in my head.

"would you see the world

would you chase your dreams

settle down, raise a family?

I wonder what would you name your baby"

Would we be best friends? Would I have had the Honor of being in your wedding? Would you have called me on the phone to cry and laugh with me? Would you still make fun of me like you always did?
Sometimes I think how awesome it would have been to be mothers together. To share something so deep and so special. I think about how you were so free spirited and you tried your hardest not to be a cookie cutter type of girl. Maybe you would have traveled the world. Or lived your dream and become a ranchers wife.  You spent your whole life wanting to be loved. And so many people loved you Kaitlin. I wish I could have a re-do on life. Kaitlin, I would make sure every single day that you knew you were loved by your big sister.
There is nothing I can do to change the past. I can only hope that you are looking down on us and your beautiful nephews and you are at peace. I always tell you that as soon as its my time to go, you better be one of the first people I see. Until then, I sit here and dream about who you'd be today.