"Love Heals Your Heart"
Did you think you were immune to this
Did you think you could escape without infection
You do all you're able to resist
Just to avoid the danger of rejection
Memory warns you of the past
When it all went wrong
When you think your life is shattered
And there's no way to be fixed again
Love heals your heart
At a time you least expected
You're alive like you have never been
Love heals your heart
Everybody has a wall to climb
That was built to guard the pain that holds them captive
Every smile that they would hide behind
Will try to mask the hurt beneath the surface
Sometimes it's hard to understand
How we're trapped inside
I don't know what this post is. Total ramblings. Not being posted on FB, only to my blogging family. People who I know are my true friends. Not people who will judge me. The past 24 hours have been full of surprises. Not the kinda surprises that make you all warm and fuzzy rather the kind of surprises that make you sick to your stomach. The kind of surprises that make you feel like a less than worthy person. As a wife, a mother, and as a woman.
Just icing to my already 15 tier red Velvet cake.
I skipped church today. I didn't want to go and stand next to a man I don't know. I don't want to put on a happy face and smile a fake smile. I want to cry and tell someone how much pain I am in and how my life seems to be crumbling right before my very eyes. Wouldn't that be awesome? When someone asks, "Hey hows it going?" to actually be able to say..."Life hurts right now. In fact it has hurt for many many years and I'm tired of the pain."
My biggest desire in life is to be happy again. To be a good mom. A good person. I don't know how to reach that point anymore. Sometimes when you feel so lost, so far gone? Its hard to find your way back home.
And that's it. I don't feel like writing anymore.
oh lady...my heart is breaking for you. I am praying so hard for you. You can always call me if you want to. I'm always ready to listen. xoxo
ReplyDeleteAMy- I am sooo sorry for what you are going through. I wish I could be there to be your shoulder to cry on. I am always a phone call away though and if you don't have the strength to call I will gladly call you. Even if you just want to vent everything or even if you don't want to talk about it. Don't give up girl. Don't let Satan win. God is bigger than this and He is ALWAYS with you. So you dint want to go to church, but let it out. Talk to someone. Ask for help. I love you so much friend. Always praying.
ReplyDeleteHi Amy, I don't know you personally. I'm writing a blog about the Love Dare and I actually found your blog when I was looking for blogs on the 40 Day Love Dare to see how it went for others. I've read a few of your blog postings and can feel your pain. When I read your blogs I think that they could have been written by me. I actually paid $150 to file divorce paperwork today, but I don't think I can go through with that. I don't want a divorce, I too just want to be happy again. At times I feel like I am married to the Devil. Maybe we can help each other through this. I'm going to try counseling and hope I can get my husband to go.
ReplyDelete