What need does your spouse have that could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.
To me, this dare was much like the previous days dare. To do something nice or unexpected. And well, since I did that dare 2 days in a row, I was running out of ideas. I decided to have a plate of dinner ready for him when he got home and when he pulled up I popped it in the microwave so it was nice and hot when he walked through the door. He was thankful. That's it just, "thanks"
So, to me I had to step up my game. I didn't offer a massage because I am really bitter in that area. You see I worked up until the day before I had my baby. Waiting tables. 5 to 6 days a week breaking my back. And NEVER got a massage. Maybe once he offered and after literally 2 minutes he would pat me on the back and say, "ok, ya good?" Therefore, I refuse to give a massage.
Maybe that's my problem. I hold on to to much. I expect my husband to be this perfect man and show me the world. Show me how much he loves me and he just doesn't. He tells me its cause he never had an example of how to be a good husband. Bull. I think if you love someone, it should just come natural. If you cherish someone, you show them the fruits of that.
Ok, back to the dare. I decided to SKIP the gym so I could spend some time with him. To me, that was a gesture to say, "I cherish you" He fell asleep. I feel like I suck at the doing things for your spouse part.
11 dares down. 29 to go.
side note- I was suppose to do day 12 last night. But honestly I was PMSing so bad and an emotional train wreck! I don't see JR today at all, so tomorrow will be day 12!
It's called a blow job. But that's too risqué for a blog, ya think?! (Lol. Only cuz it's you Amy!)
ReplyDeletebahahaha omg I just about peed my pants! Shoot, I totally didnt even think of that one. Its been so long, forgot that was an option!
ReplyDeletelol...Christine's right...They do wonders. ;) And I am no expert and don't really know if maybe we have the same issue or if it's just normal for some people, but my hubby never had an example of a husband or father and it does not come natural. I think for most women it does, no matter what they had growing up, for men it seems to be another story. And that makes it really hard for me to be sympathetic bc I just don't get how he can "Feel" so little. He tries, and I have to just acknowledge that and remember that I am actually the only example he has to look to for how to be a good spouse and parent. It can be tough though, it's a lot of pressure. Hang in there...
ReplyDeleteAmy -
ReplyDeleteYou are not a failure at all, you are doing great. I will tell you this even when your hubby DOES have a good example of a husband, it is harder for them to show love in ways that WE want it shown. For men, telling you "thanks" DOES show that he loves you, massaging you for 2 minutes IS an act of love (Joel will only give me a massage if I ask and then MAX is 5 min and norm is 2 min).
I am going to be blunt and tell you to stop expecting JR to show you ways he loves you in the ways YOU think he should but rather LOVE HIM EVEN IF HE DOESN'T SHOW YOU LOVE. Why? Because "We love because CHRIST first loved us." You need to show him love because of CHRIST not because of JR.
That being said - YES SEX IS A GREAT WAY TO TELL A MAN YOU LOVE HIM! Especially when you DON'T feel like it because it tells him - "I love you so much that I am going to have sex with you in spite of MY feelings." Doesn't have to be a big overly romantic set up (that's what we want from them) just a simple hey, I want to reconnect with you in a way that matters to YOU.
Praying for you and you can do it!
I agree with the other ladies. A great way to show them how much you love them is sex. It is something about how their their brain is wired. Nothing else pleases Jason more than "getting some". lol
ReplyDeleteI think guys need (most guys) the physical part of love, then the emotional. They can be sooooo clueless sometimes.
Also, have you read the Five Love Languages? It might be something you BOTH want to look into, it helped saved our marriage.
I'm thinking and praying for you both!
I am currently going through the 'Love Dare'and am on Day 11 and struggling with it. I stumbled upon your blog and felt as though I was reading a blog about my life! I HATE the love dare at this point. I hope that you made it through the love dare, just as I am hoping to even though each day I feel like quitting! Being a full-time mom and wife can be too much! Thank you for this blog! God Bless you!
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