Hate

"I hate my life" my newly 5 year old son screamed at me yesterday. I don't remember what I said or did to make him go into such a frenzy but this was the first time he had said it and it hurt me greatly.

For the most part Aiden, which fittingly means "fiery" is a really great kid. He is loving, compassionate, sensitive, caring, and polite. Then his episodes come out. It use to happen once a day and has slowly declined to about every 2 months. (thank you JESUS!)

I wasn't prepared for this episode. It came out of left field. At first I got angry even though I didn't let him see it. I pulled him aside and described all the wonderful things he has in his life. Love, shelter, toys, clothes, food, Wii, go kart..well you get the point.

We were getting ready to go to the grocery store right before his episode happened. While at the store he picked out some high sugar, nasty, Super Mario brothers fruit snacks. He begged for them. I used this chance to explain to him how great his life is and GASP I allowed him to put them in the cart.

Fast forward to tonight. I didn't have a chance to tell J.R. what Aiden had said to me the night before because I worked so we were all sitting on the couch and I told him. J.R. acted very calmly and asked Aiden what his favorite toys were. Aiden listed them off and J.R. asked him to go get them all and bring them to him. He explained to him that since he hated his life so much his favorite toys would be givin to another family. He cried and said, "yes sir" and brought every single toy to his dad and put them in a garbage bag. Next was clothes. We put his favorite shirt in the bag. Then J.R. asked him to take off all his clothes besides his under ware.  And then, the Super Mario fruit snacks were next. We took his favorite toys, clothes, and food away from him and sent him to bed. In his under ware and without his favorite blanket.

I tucked  him in and explained to him how precious our life is. How his mommy and daddy love him so much and will always do everything we can to make him have a happy life.  We weren't just talking about materialistic stuff but most of it was. He is only 5. That's what registers to him.

As I looked in his big brown eyes and stroked his forehead and got teary eyed. I got tears in my eyes thinking about how much I do love this little man. How he was my first born. How the first time I held him in my arms I never would have thought such a precious thing would ever say such a mean thing. But, he is human. And he will make mistakes, and break my heart. At the end of the day, he knows  how much his mamma and daddy love him and adore him. And I think tonight, as he fell asleep it really sank in how blessed he is.