The last time I saw you we had some good times. We had some laughs and shared some tears. We also ended our time with a fight. We are both so damn stubborn. Set in our ways and wont back down. I regret that the last time I saw you was when you walked passed me at moms house around 5am with a blanket over your head. My heart told me to reach out and hug you and say goodbye. My stubbornness kept me from doing that. I remember thinking, I will see you next time we fly out and everything will be fine. I will talk to you on the phone and everything will be fine. If only I would have known that 3 weeks later, you would be gone.
That's the not so funny thing about life. There is no way of seeing what the future holds. If you could then I know you would still be here.
Some days, days like today, I daydream about who you'd be today. Of course the country song always pops in my head.
"would you see the world
would you chase your dreams
settle down, raise a family?
I wonder what would you name your baby"
Sometimes I think how awesome it would have been to be mothers together. To share something so deep and so special. I think about how you were so free spirited and you tried your hardest not to be a cookie cutter type of girl. Maybe you would have traveled the world. Or lived your dream and become a ranchers wife. You spent your whole life wanting to be loved. And so many people loved you Kaitlin. I wish I could have a re-do on life. Kaitlin, I would make sure every single day that you knew you were loved by your big sister.
There is nothing I can do to change the past. I can only hope that you are looking down on us and your beautiful nephews and you are at peace. I always tell you that as soon as its my time to go, you better be one of the first people I see. Until then, I sit here and dream about who you'd be today.
