Love Dare- Day 6

Today's Dare-

"Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life."

Well let me start off by saying that I took a few days off. I did this love dare on Saturday. I didn't mean to take a break, but life just "got in the way" I guess. I didn't have time to blog about it and before I knew it I was practically giving up. I lost my book, etc...Each and every one of you who is reading this and showing me support and praying for me is what has kept me going onto day 7,8,9, etc....

With that said, I want to be honest. I know I am only on day 6 but I thought there would be this HUGE miraculous change already when in fact this week has been hell.

Ok, enough about that. Today's dare. The areas of my life where I need to add margin to my schedule. Well, the only thing I can let go of and give my life a little more time is from FaceBook. So for the next week I will abstain from FB. Wow, I know. That's gonna be tuff. It takes up to much time from the boys, to much time from housework which means when the kids are in bed, instead of spending time with my husband I am doing housework. I stay up late to finish, I am exhausted the next day. It is a vicious circle.

My wrong motivations. I don't exactly understand this challenge. Call me dumb, I don't know.

I guess if I search my soul my wrong motivations would all be wrapped up in one thing. I do things because I want J.R.'s attention. I fight with him because I want him to notice me. I cry to him because I want him to hold me. Everything I do whether it is cook dinner, clean the house, get all the kids fed bathed and put in PJ's before he gets home from work so he can say, "Wow, good job" Everything is for him because I want him to look at me in love and think I am the most special woman in the world.

99% of the time he never notices. I dont feel like the most special woman in his life. In fact, most days I cant even tell if he loves me or not. I am doing all this wrong with the wrong motivation. I am doing it for a man who will always fail me (not because of who he is, because he is human and people always fail people)

I have a huge problem with attention and being accepted. I dont know where it comes from. Not the kinda of attention like, "Im gonna stick my boobs out and wear a mini skirt" but positive attention. I dont want to disappoint people and Im always afraid Im gonna do something wrong.

So this I need to release from my life. Weather J.R. and I stay married or not, I need to work on this for myself.

By the way, the beginning part of the dare, "to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation" I did. This day 6 was on Reids first birthday party. J.R. kept getting annoyed, frustrated, stressed. Instead of flipping out on him I pulled him into the room. I told him that the kids wont remember that the house was clean (he always is tagging behind people cleaning up right after them) they wont remember that you couldn't find your BBQ spatula, they wont remember how hot it was. They will remember that their father was fun and laughed and interacted with them.

So, that was my reacting to a tough circumstance.

6 days down. 34 to go.