Love Dare- Day 3

Todays Dare-

"Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from  negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today"

Uggh. Day 3 and I feel like giving up. And the truth is, I probably would if it wernt for the accountability of people reading and expecting to see if I follow through with this. So, I did my "dare" I went out and bought him something for the BBQ. I figured since we were BBQing on Saturday and BBQing makes a man feel like a man. I think he liked it. He was like, "cool thanks" More important to me, I got it at Bed Bath and Beyond with my coupon for only $7. I know, Im cheap. It was hard for me to go spend money on him when just the day before he spent what I would consider to much money on a router thing to make every gadget in our house wireless. So, while I was shopping for something cheap I grumbled to myself that THAT should have been his gift. Maybe I would wrap up the receipt. LOL

I did not have a good attitude about my dare because like I said....Im cheap frugal.

Luckily I had my mother in law here with me and got to "vent" to her a bit. Made me feel much better.

he was gracious enough to call me on his way home to warn me how cranky he was. Thanks. Now I get to stress for an hour what our home life is going to be like with a cranky J.R. And if you all know him at all, you DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT want to be around him when he is cranky.

Great, I get to be around him in a bad mood AND I have to hold my tongue? Geeze Im not superwoman. He comes home and says hi to his mom (thank God she was here or else he would have been 10 times worse!) I basically kept my mouth shut. it goes back to that saying, "if you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all"

Here's how my night ended (after I woke up from falling asleep on the couch at 8:30) he gets on me for being so quiet all night. Tells me, "i dont know why your so crabby today" I simply say..."Im just being quiet cause I dont want to say anything bad" and he replies, "ok thanks"

Damn!! I just want him to know Im doing this and then yell at him and STOP doing it.

Day 3 done. 37 days go go.

7 Week Weight Loss

Wow, ok so I have been a bit discouraged the past few weeks that eating right and working out aren't paying off because I still cant fit into my old jeans. That is why I haven't done a blog about it. Well, here are the results in before and after pics (just cause Im tan doesn't mean its an optical illusion!!)

I started off at 174 pounds and today I weigh in at 159!!  15 pounds down. 15 more to go!

i have lost 14 INCHES and 15 POUNDS! OMgosh i am so sorry...I am so excited. I had no idea!!!

Love Dare- Day 2

Love Dare-

"in addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness."

Ok, this one was a little easier. I am a people please so I like to do things for people. But the question was what? i was thinking maybe actually have makeup on when he got home from work. I mean, that would be kind to him right? Not have to stare at his sloppy wife. Naww...

Then I looked into the HUGE disaster of a mess we had going on in our backyard..painting projects, a cement fountain that had been demoed last weekend..lots of trash...toys everywhere. Well, he was going to come home and that was his honey do chore. I knew he was exhausted from working his job and around the house a lot, so I did it. Well, as much as I could. I cleaned, picked up and swept.

When he got home he was so surprised and so thankful. He even said, "good job on using the leaf blower" and I told him I didnt..I swept all the leaves by hand.

That was pretty much all of our night cause 30 min after he got home I left to get some MUCH needed time off doing my GTS (Gym, tanning, shopping) LoL

I said nothing negative at all. 2 days now down. 38 to go.

Love Dare- Day 1

Today's Dare-

"The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret."

When I read this I thought..peace of cake. I only see my husband for about 2 hours a night. How hard can this be right? He came home early (5pm) to take Aiden to tball and didnt come home till almost 7:30. I had to get some groceries after the kids went to bed so that only left me with bout an hour to hold my tongue.  Well I was tested.

J.R. was at the table cutting coupons when Jax decided to bring a cup of water to the table and spill it over about 40 coupons. He lashed out in frustration and was so angry. Normally I would get upset that he was so upset. During this time he was angry, Aiden was being disobedient. So, he was on a total rampage and being a little harsh on the kids. Man, it took everything I had in me not to go off on him! Instead I got a towel, cleaned up the water. I then laid out allllll the coupons to dry. I asked him if there was anything else I could help him with.

The whole ordeal lasted about 20 min and after this time he came to me and apologized for getting so upset. I didnt say anything but thank you. (i forgot to mention that he does NOT know I am doing this Love Dare)

I went on to grocery shop and when I came home he asked where the remote was. I said, "on the tv stand" I dont think I said it with attude, but he took it that way and got very angry with me. He said a few words to me and walked outside to calm down. I cried. I felt like he didnt notice that I was trying. I felt that this whole thing was dumb and pointless. How could he not see that I was trying SOOO hard.

After a few minutes he came in and apologized again. I just said thank you again and this time I said I was sorry (even though I totally didnt think I did anything wrong)

So, day one is over. 39 days to go.

40 day Love Dare

First of all let me say I apologize to any family who might read this and freak out a little. I am taking a big step of faith in doing this blog for one reason. Because I need the prayers, support, and accountability.

It is no secret that my 7 years of marriage has been anything but HARD. In fact, I don't even know if HARD would be the right word. It has been all backwards and full of trials. The past year or so I have given up. I mean completely given up. I have accepted that this was my life and that I just have deal with it. Over the past month I have been focused on one thing. Divorce.

I know all my faults in this marriage. I know that I haven't given it any effort. I know that I haven't put God first. I know that I haven't preferred my husband. I know that I have been selfish and its all been about what I want and what is making ME happy and how my husband isn't filling MY love tank.

The fact is that I am completely miserable and unhappy. In fact, I would go as far to say as my marriage is sending me into a quick depression. It is hard for me to be intimate with my husband. I am full of anger and bitterness. At this point I would say that our marriage is completely not worth saving.

So, I went to church with just me and the boys yesterday (J.R. was doing yard work) And I "re" realized many things. Marriage isn't about ME. Our boys deserve for their parents to fight for another. I want putting God anywhere in my life. And basically our boys DESERVED better.

This was on my heart all night last night. Do I divorce or do I not divorce? My sister in law sent me a link of Love Dare.  My mom had bought me this book a few years ago when the movie Fireproof came out. I read the first few love dares but really wanted it for J.R. to do it. Of course he didn't and I felt failed.

Ok, let me get to the chaise. I am DESPERATE. I am desperate to figure out if our  marriage is going to work or if it just needs to be over. I am DESPERATE to fall in love with my husband again. And I am DESPERATE to have a happy and healthy marriage. Do I think it can  happen? honestly...NO. I don't think a book is going to change anything but it is worth the try.

So, everyday at nap time or bed time ish, I'm going to blog on the day before love dare. And in 40 days I am going to decide which road we are going to take.  Here is the introduction of the book,

"receive this as a warning.

This forty day journey cannot be taken lightly.

It is a challenging and often

difficult process, but an incredibly

fulfilling one. TO take this dare

requires a resolute mind and a

steadfast determination.

It is not meant to be sampled or briefly

tested, and those who quit early will

forfeit the greatest benefits. If you

will commit to a day at a time for forty

days, the results could change your

life and your marriage.

Consider it a dare, from others

who have done it before you"

I Need Shabby Help!

I remember when i first got married I wanted all my furniture to be that light wood. A year later I wanted cherry wood. Few years after that it was all about the white wood. Well now, I just want WOOD. Any kind of painted, distressed wood. Thank to Nancy, I am crazy about anything Shabby. I didnt even realize how much I liked this style. It started off with my bedroom remodel (which is still not finished!) And now it is gonna be spread into my living room/kitchen.

Here is where you come in blogger people. I need help. I have many ideas but cant figure out what will go with what. I know the beauty of Shab is that everything goes together. My living room is a warm one right now. Orange wall, dark curtains....etc I want to paint the orange wall a light grey and keep my tan walls tan. Im going to hang white curtians, replace a lighting fixture and then the big project is this:

I got this on CL for $25. It is a much needed TV stand. It is high, sturdy and long. Well, Im gonna strip it down and paint it, replace the knobs, and take out the glass and replace it with something.....I just dont know what color to go with. A tiffany blue would be fun I thought. Give the room a pop of color. So something like this below-

But then I love the sage green also.... (the only thing I could find with the right color)

I love how they include greens, blacks, and whites

Then I found this picture and realized that you can put all the colors together and have something beautiful. Blue, green ,white, grey, etc....

Ahhh can you imagine having a home like this with 3 little boys!!????

What do you think? Should I paint the TV stand a sage green or more of a tiffany blue?